Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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