in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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