Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
