I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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