There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
