clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I forget how to act sober
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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