Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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