If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
