Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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