Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I want her autograph on my taint
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
