I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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