I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
