Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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