I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
