I think I died a long time ago.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
