I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
