Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
