I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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