'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
