that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
