I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
