She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
