I CAN MOONWALK!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
