My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
