I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
