Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
