The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm really busy with my period
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