Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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