i don't like sucking hair
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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