I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
