who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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