She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
