chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
