Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
