They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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