Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
