his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
