What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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