My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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