he puts the penis in happiness.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
