Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
