Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
