very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Someone came in the potted fern
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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