I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
