Non-Jews are for practice
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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