I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I love you. Go after that dick
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