If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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