the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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