its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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