what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
