Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Who died my cat blue again?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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