Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
