omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Houston, we have a blender
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
