Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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