So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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