If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
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I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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