I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
