doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
