it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
