Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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