her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
