Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Someone signed my nipple.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
