it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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