On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
